sometimes, it’s important to understand that a yes means no, and a no means yes.
sometimes… a careless feature can turn out to be a defense against wanting to be cradled, and a shove can denote desires of wanting to be held tighter.
and we’ll slip though each other’s reach, from time to time
;maybe i’ll fall through the air a little bit faster
but don’t worry.. if you just relax, breathe, and focus on letting go of how tense you are…
,maybe then we’ll be able to see each other again
Christmas Eve - started work at 5 in the morning, had an hour break at 1, and went to work again until 9:30 p.m. .. including the break, worked a total of a little over 16 hours. definitely not the nicest way to spend this holiday season.
over, and over, and over..
but what was a fight without a cause?
and what was a cause without a purpose?
the purpose was love.
now trace back step by step, to where they fought.
working at teavana is a joy. tea bags don’t even compare.. although i’ll still drink it out of laziness sometimes.
people don’t know what they’re missing in life.
And so comes another realization to the dire contemplation of, “Where am I going from here?”. It’s a phrase that knocks at just about every wall that I can’t find a door to. Almost every year when I find myself settled in a certain condition, my heart and mind goes uneasy. I’m sure that a huge part of it is just the frequently old, “Sagittarius = Adventurous”, kicking in.. but here I am… stuck in that rut again.
This is about the third or forth time in the last month or two, that I’m posting an entry about this dilemma I’m finding myself in.
Actually, let me branch off into another realization I’ve made in the last week: Whatever situation I settle myself in, I basically dive in and indulge myself in that culture. When I was on my spiritual path, surrounded and over embraced by the good people in my community, I was enraptured and driven to do great things. I was totally and 100% “in it”, and was ready to jump when I was told to do so. I was constantly and consistently thinking about what I could do and say to let others know that I absolutely and utterly love them.
Now that I’m home living a routine of work and family, I’m basically almost just taking life as it comes. Honestly, sometimes I grow content to it. Luckily, that usually only lasts until I take a moment to dig deep to where my heart burns in passion to want to love others. But, even then, I’m so prone to my passive self character, that I can’t express even that.. and I start numbing myself to the life that I was once alive to. I tell myself that this is life, and this is where I’ll be sitting my butt for, for the rest of my earthly life. I tell myself that I don’t have to be passionate. I don’t have to live a totally driven life. that anything isn’t actually possible.
All this doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m swayed by my environment. I still stand by my morals. I’ll be considerate, but I’ll also give in my two sense to what I believe is true. I won’t play with hearts or stab peoples backs.
I now know that I was expecting too much out of myself and others. I pray to God, that I’m rooted deep enough to keep my heart up and beating with joy. I want to be a happy person. I really do. But, this realization was definitely a big punch in the face.
organize the ridiculous amount of papers that have been piling up on my desk- write letters to
sweden, connecticut, and california- make more granola
- finish up The Tipping Point
buy ingredients for, and then make macaroons- buy:
stone grinder,hand butter, and stone or glass incense stand along withnew sticks, indian or om tapestry
